Academy 6 - Desire 7 - Overcoming Shame

Hi sweetie!

Shame

We have talked about ego and about embracing and accepting yourself for who you are and now we come to the third part of this particular journey, shame. Shame is a very powerful driving force in society and no one is immune from it.

Shame is a little peculiar in that it only exists when more than one person is involved. If you’re at home watching sissification hypnosis and touching yourself, during that moment you won’t feel any shame, but if you were doing it in public it would be quite another story!

Even students who purge after this kind of activity are still reacting to other people, once they finish they start to consider what others would think if they knew what they were doing. This leads to them convincing themselves that others would disapprove and they proceed to purge.

Shame and the sissy

Unfortunately, shame can be something that hits a sissy particularly hard. As we’ve discussed previously, society frowns on men who act in a feminine manner or display feminine qualities. It’s something that isn’t discussed or mentioned openly, but everyone is aware of it on some level.

Furthermore, sissies tend towards being submissive, so other people’s opinions can weigh especially heavy on them.

The end result of this is usually that sissies keep this huge and important part of themselves completely private because it’s safer and easier to do so.

I want to be completely clear about this, the Academy isn’t going to force you to wear a “Sissy Slut” shirt in public or anything like that but we want you to be able to present as true a picture of yourself to the world as you want to (this is what we mean by wholehearted living).

As I mentioned in an earlier letter, stopping alpha males from showing their masculinity would be damaging to them and similarly, stopping sissies from showing their femininity is equally damaging.

Conformity

Added to shame is the pressure to conform, the nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered down! This kind of pressure is especially insidious, it’s so much easier to just accept and go with the flow, especially because everyone else seems to be doing the same.  How many people wanted to study dance or theatre at school but ended up doing sports or getting pushed into a more traditional subject?

This then has far-reaching consequences and frequently results in a mid-life crisis where someone realises they allowed themselves to be convinced that others knew better or even worse, that they didn’t really know who they were.

Sharing

A very common question we receive in the Academy mailbox is how can a student tell their partner about their sissy side or get them to be more dominant or even help feminize them.

The student wants to be more open and honest with their partner but the shame they feel about themselves and the reaction they imagine they will get stops them.

The way to work on this is twofold, one is to not let your imagination run away with itself! When you’re feeling ashamed about something, it’s natural for you to assume the worst but the key word there is assume!

The other part is to be honest and remember, that everyone has parts of themselves that are private or hidden. A relationship is somewhere where you can share much more of yourself and when you do, you’ll almost always find your partner responding in the same manner.

This applies to romantic relationships but to a lesser degree to any relationships you have. You don’t have to tell everyone who knows you that you’re a sissy, but if you’ve been working on the points raised in my letter about the sissy ego, then you’ve already started softening your image a little.

This can be a virtuous cycle. Most people don’t realise how much energy they put into hiding who they are or trying to fit in. It’s like walking around all day with a backpack full of bricks! Once you stop trying so hard, you’re taking bricks out of the pack and the energy you wasted carrying them around becomes available for other uses.

Overcoming Shame

The key thing to remember in all of this is that you are no less worthy of being loved because of who you are. Now go back and read that again, and any time you feel down, come back and read it.

People and society will try and convince you otherwise because it can be a very threatening concept.

For individuals, it’s often easier to attack somebody else than to work on accepting this fact. Striking out is often much, much easier than looking in, especially when they’ve been told repeatedly (on so many levels, not just verbally) that they should be ashamed of themselves.

Society doesn’t like it, because it’s harder to control people who accept that everyone is worthy of love and they have difficulty advertising and selling things with the promise that they will make you feel good.

You have actually done some work towards this already! In the first module, you purchased some tinted lip balm and I hope you’ve been using it. Most of you will have realized this, but some people who saw you will have realised that you were wearing tinted balm and what was the reaction?

Nothing!

If we’d have just said to go outside with painted lips, most students wouldn’t have done it because a man in public with painted lips will be a source of ridicule but you’ve now shown to yourself that that isn’t the case.

This was a minor step, but it’s here to serve as an example that your worst fears are rarely correct!

Struggling with shame is a fight worth fighting, the first step is to realise what it is you feel shameful about and where you feel it is holding you back. It can help to write this down.

Then you have to just sit with it. This is an easy part to shy away from, no one wants to feel uncomfortable or face a painful part of themselves but every time you do it, it will get easier. Feel your feelings and recognise the emotions that are involved.

Finally, realise and accept that you’re human and remember that you deserve love. You can and should forgive yourself if you’ve made a mistake or if you’ve treated yourself or others harshly.

Keeping a journal can help with this process too. Shame thrives on secrecy and if you’re not comfortable talking with somebody else about it, then writing it down and having it be external to your head can be a big help.

If you do, once it’s written leave it for a day or two and then reread it. See if your feelings have changed or if you can reword things or spot any assumptions you’ve made.

Ok girls, we’ve covered some pretty heavy ground and I hope I’ve given you some food for thought.

You don’t have to share this side of yourself with anyone, but I want each and every one of our students to have the option of doing so.