Academy 6 - Desire 12 - Attraction Theory II
Welcome back! I hope you’re ready to pick up from where we left off last time.
As I mentioned in the last letter, human sexuality isn’t a black/white thing. It bears more in common with the spectrum shown above (which is why the rainbow is the flag for LGBT+ movement).
Some people will consider themselves all the way to one end or the other and some more in the middle. A lot of people will never question this or explore themselves but those that do will discover something rather special. They may start at one end, but they won’t stay there! Humans grow and change all the way through their lives, it’s almost a cliche that most people start off as left wing when they are younger and move to the right of the political spectrum as they age.
Sexuality is similar, as you explore and experience different things and interact with different people and different perspectives, you will change.
Sexual exploration has always been a facet of the human experience, but for a long time, it was denied and driven underground. Now it’s much more accepted. Everyone reading this is exploring themselves and just think about how many times you’ve heard about someone who fooled around with same-sex partners when they were younger. Were they gay? Are they still gay now?
Attraction
In large parts, sexuality is about looks, but it’s not about how you look it’s what you want to look at. Humans are very visually orientated but there are other things that play into what we find erotic and today I want to talk about these other things.
Does the above picture make you horny? You might think not but in a literal sense it does. Your brain is the biggest and most important sexual organ you have. We all use our brains to fantasize about what we want and our brain responds by releasing sexual hormones and other chemicals that bring our body to a state of arousal.
Visual stimuli act to trigger these “erotic modules” in the brain. Obviously, the stimuli don’t have to be an exact match! Seeing two round domes in the distance or a tall tower on it’s own can trigger your arousal as much as seeing a pair of breasts or an erect penis.
The modules in the brain are built after puberty begins, all animals have them but humans are much richer and deeper reflecting our cerebral heritage. Humans who don’t pass through puberty for whatever reason will be free almost completely free of them and if they do have them, will have little compulsion to act on them.
Beauty
We all know that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and those eyes change over time Even societal ideals of beauty are ever changing, as we’ve discussed before, large women used to be considered beautiful because been well-fed is a sign of wealth and health. The picture to the left is of a “Venus” figurine over 30,000 years old. You can compare it to a Botticelli Venus to see how tastes change.
To complicate the picture more, beauty isn’t just a physical quality. Skill and talent can play a big part too. Think of an amazing pianist playing or an athlete competing at the highest level.
These are people who may appear plain or even unappealing in day-to-day life, but once you see them in their element you will look at them with new eyes.
As you go through puberty, your experiences and societal cues will combine to form these “sexuality modules” in you. For most of human history, this was a controlled process in part because people live in small bands and stimulation was limited but also because societies would have rituals for welcoming boys and girls into adulthood (separate ones for each sex) where you would be told the secrets and afterwards you would be an adult.
In effect, society overruled the biological. You may have started with a desire to go into the girl’s hut and become a woman but these desires never received any encouragement and there was no evidence anyone else shared them so it became easy to do what you were supposed to.
The modern world has blown this into a million pieces. Villages became towns became cities, people could choose where to live and who to associate with and most recently, the internet has made almost anything you can think of available.
Nowadays, biology in the driving seat. Whereas in the past you would not have been exposed to things that you may have found desirable, or if you were, it would have been fleeting and you would have been unable to explore it, the internet will now let you explore it to your heart's content and also help you to find others with similar tastes.
This also means people are much more complex, what they like about others is no longer cut and dried because of the increased access to examples of it. Instead of “I don’t like…” it’s wiser to say “The examples I’ve seen of … haven’t appealed to me” because all it takes is one picture and “I don’t like” can come tumbling down. This is also why some people can have difficulties exploring their androphilia. If you’ve defined yourself as “not” something, finding out you are or even might be to some degree can cause mental anguish.
Humans are primed to find the human body attractive (hopefully this doesn’t come as a shock to you!), so take that as a base and explore from there! Don’t limit yourself because of a learned gut reaction.
Think of it as a meal, originally you were restricted to one thing, then things opened up a little and more choice became available and now, the menu is seemingly never-ending.
We will deal with beauty in more depth in an upcoming module, once you are able to break down what makes someone beautiful, it’s something you can copy and apply to yourself. This is a modern-day equivalent of being taken through the ritual into adulthood and learning how to become a woman. (The Academy Library has a large number of books on this topic!).
Dominance and submission
Dominance and submission are part and parcel of life as a social creature. Look at dogs play fighting, the “fight” ends when one shows submission to the other.
Dominance and submission are very healthy things to explore, in society they allow matters to be settled without recourse to actual violence. As I’ve mentioned a few times, not letting an alpha male act according to his nature is as wrong as not letting a sissy act according to hers. So when an alpha acts in a dominant fashion, it’s natural for you to be submissive.
As the amazing success of the 50 Shades of Gray franchise shows, even when these things are never talked about and aren’t overt, they are always bubbling away under the surface.
Exploring them also helps them to be dealt with in a healthy fashion. A submissive not allowed to act in accordance with their feelings is prone to making bad choices to try and fulfil their needs (beware of scammers girls!) and a frustrated dominant can find themselves lashing out at those around them.
Normality
As you can see from the above, ultimately what happened is that “normal” got wider and wider until it became meaningless. What is “normal” sexuality in this day and age? How kinky must someone be if they only find one kind of thing appealing and stick religiously to it and refuse to even try something else?
Hopefully, this letter will make you feel a little bit more secure in yourself and your sexuality. No one is exactly is the same but if you’re studying at the Academy you know you have thousands of fellow students going through the same things you are. Exploring themselves in the same way you are and finding out answers in the same way you are (although the answers may differ!).
“Straight” is a label as is “gay”. You are not a label, so don’t be satisfied with what may appear an easy answer. You cannot will yourself to change or snap your fingers and alter a fundamental part of yourself, but you can explore things in an open-minded, non-judgemental fashion.
Maybe you never really find “men” attractive but a penis arouses you a great deal, maybe shemales appeal to you or softer, more feminine-looking men. The keyword in that sentence is maybe! You’ll never find out if you don’t try.
Intimacy
This is a little beyond the scope of the current module but I wanted to end the letter with something a quick discussion of a longer-term goal.
Having sex is healthy and there are many, many studies showing a wide range of beneficial effects. One of the key reasons for this is the shared intimacy (physical and emotional) with other humans.
Intimacy is a closer and deeper bond than your day-to-day social bonds. It allows you to be open and vulnerable with someone else and share your private side with them. Before you can be truly intimate, you have to know yourself which is why we push you to explore.
Feeling safe and secure is a prerequisite for intimacy which is why the Academy tries to provide an encouraging environment and a community. If there's a part of yourself that you consider to be shameful, taboo or dirty then you will struggle to share it with another and my hope is seeing other students struggle with similar things will allow you to come to terms with yourself.
There’s no part of you that doesn’t deserve love and the secret intention behind the Academy is to allow all of our students to gain skill and experience so that when the time is right for you to seek intimacy with other people you will have a better, long term and healthy experience.
Certain people become more socially open when they drink alcohol for example. This leads to some claiming that the "true person" comes forth when people drink. I could not disagree more with this. The true you is the combination of the private and public you, you are the person who limits what you say out of concern for others. The drunk you are a much smaller and less complete you.
When you are horny, you can be in a similar state to when you are drunk but it's rare that horniness can have a similar effect on you in public as drunkenness does. Horniness does open you up a little and gives the more exploratory side of you a little more leeway.
We use this extra leeway to push and prod you to explore and overcome the limits that you think you have. At the end of the day, only you can look back and judge the path you have walked but we hope you take this chance to really explore yourself and find out what is waiting for you at the end of the rainbow.
