Finalization 12 - Involving Others


I’m just a girl

Since the beginnings of the Academy, this has been a very requested letter. Just how do “I” involve my partner/find a dom etc and as this ties in wonderfully with the boundary between Levels 2 and 3 this seems like the perfect place to take a look at it and see what we can come up with.

 

Before you start scrolling through this letter like a starving dog, I will be very clear up front, there are no magic answers or tricks that will make it work and in fact, the idea that there is is part of what we need to dispel here. The actual doing is relatively easy, what causes people difficulties is finding the courage to do it because the answer isn’t guaranteed and may turn out to not be the one they want.

 

It begins

Who’s down for some hot, hot self interrogation and introspection? Before we get to anything involving others you need to take a look inside yourself and think about what you actually want out of all of this.

 

If what you want is purely a fantasy, i.e. it gives no agency to anyone else involved then it’s probably something best kept just as that and entirely in your head.

 

By agency, I mean do they have any say in what happens or are they just serving your desires? “I want my wife to be involved in my sissification” is one thing, “I want to be a fully feminised whore with my wife as my pimp” is something else.

 

This is especially true because the joy from involving a partner in something like this is that  they can and should share and shape the journey, not just be an actor to get you to your desired end point.

 

As I hope you’ve learned during the course, fantasy is amazing but trying to actualise one that involves other people tends to mean it either changes from what you thought it would be or it ends up feeling hollow and a little empty either because you can tell that the others involved are acting or because you know it goes against who they are.

 

If you decide that what you want is better staying in your head then consider whether you can alter it to something more (for want of a better word) realistic and achievable and if that would be satisfying for you.    

 

There’s nothing to say you can’t start simple and small and build from there. Maybe you realise that you’d be happy if your partner was involved at all in any capacity and over time it builds up and becomes your fantasy, or maybe it doesn’t but as we’ve talked about it’s never all or nothing and if you “only” end up getting at some of what you want, you shouldn’t view it as a failure!

Just ask

At the core of it all is this, you just have to ask, that’s it, nothing more, it really is that simple! What you need to think about is what you’re going to ask and how to phrase it but luckily, this isn’t too hard either.

 

The first thing to keep in mind is never start at the end. Even after our little chat above, you may still have any number of lurid fantasies that you want to make happen but they’re not good places to start. Maybe your wife would like to cuckold you with a new bull every night but if you drop that on her completely out of the blue then the leap you’re asking her to make is much too big and the odds are the best outcome you can hope for is she’ll think you’re joking.

 

Keep it simple! “I’m exploring my feminine side and I’d like you to help” is along the lines of what you want, simple, basic and open to questions. This also has the benefit that it focuses on what *you* are doing while leaving her role open.  

 

The time and location also matter, but if you’re in a relationship you’ll already know this and have an idea of the best time to have potentially awkward conversations. No one wants to have something dumped on them as soon as they walk in the door after a day’s work.

 

Next think about her, how do you think she’ll respond? Will she be open to the idea or dead against it? As a backup, if she’s not interested in getting involved do you think she’ll mind you doing it on your own? Married sissies often feel guilty about keeping this side of themselves from their partner so even if she’s not wanting to be an active part of your journey, you can still clear your conscience and know that she knows about it.

 

Finally, remember when I said the example of what you should ask was a good one in part because it left itself open to questions? Well, be prepared for questions! This is something you've had on your mind for a while and have spent a lot of time thinking about it. Imagine if the situation was reversed, not literally but thematically and she dropped something big on you out of the blue.

 

Unless she’s completely opposed to the whole thing she’s going to have a lot of questions and you need to answer them in the same way you originally asked her. Keep it simple and pretty basic, there’s no need to try and explain everything in great detail.

 

Some of the questions she asks will be ones you expect, when did it start? Does this explain why her underwear sometimes goes missing? What does it involve? But there’s almost always questions you could never have predicted so don’t worry when it happens.

 

 

 

It’s not really a point, but if you’re asking your partner about this then you need to be open to reciprocating. If she is going to help you explore your sexuality then turnabout is fair play and you need to be willing to do the same for her.

 

This may mean you have to do things you may not enjoy, a common example being acting dominant, but always remind yourself that she is in the same situation. The goal is to broaden and deepen your relationship with your partner at least as much as it is to explore yourself and if the price you pay for it is having to do something that doesn’t make your heart sign with joy then I hope you consider it one well worth paying.

 

Find a domme

This is easy, go on Reddit, there are hundreds if not thousands offering their services 🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

DO NOT do this. Really, if you’ve reached this part of the course you’ve seen any number of warnings but it still bears repeating, there’s a reason we have a pinned warning on the Academy Reddit and even so, we still have students asking us if someone who contacted them out of the blue (frequently claiming to be from the Academy or approved by us) is legit.

 

For the purpose of this letter, we’re going to break this topic down into three distinct parts.

A free domme

“All I want is a bespoke daily training program with unlimited 1 on 1 communication, why is it so hard to find?”

 

If you’re thinking something along these lines then all I can say is I hope you enjoy disappointment. Programs like that take a shockingly large amount of work to put together, work means time and if you’re free to spend a lot of time on something would you prefer to do it for someone who is prepared to pay or someone who isn’t?

 

On top of that, you have the additional problem of demand. Simply put, there are a lot fewer dommes than there are subs, especially if you narrow the population down to those who are active online and any domme offering anything for free will be deluged by subs who more often than not take it as a sign that it’s open season and they should use it as an opportunity to try and get what they want, not what’s on offer.

 

As someone who has domme’d a little online, I can tell you that having this happen to you a couple of times is enough to scare you off trying it again.

 

The final problem is that the platforms where something like this could happen are becoming more and more hostile to sexual content. Tumblr used to be a really wonderful place for, if not strictly training of this kind, then tasks and one to many games and other fun, but for “reasons” the site panicked, had a purge of adult orientated material a few years ago and that stopped the fun dead.

 

So I hope I’m not raining on anyone’s parade when I tell you to keep your expectations very low.

A professional domme

It’s been a recurring theme in the last few letters, so you might want to say it with me. There’s nothing wrong with and no shame in paying for your pleasure...unless you get off on shame in which case, feel as much of it as you can handle!

 

A professional domme is someone who offers their services online or in person in exchange for money. As we have mentioned a couple of times, online dommes are bedeviled at least as much as sissies are by scam artists and in some cases they can be an existential threat. In the same way that sissies who repeatedly ghost people from hookup apps, every bad actor makes things that much worse for the legitimate operators and make it harder and harder to find someone

 

If you’re engaging an online domme, then make sure your arousal doesn’t drown out your common sense. Do they have a history that you can check or other subs, past or current) that you can talk to? Did they contact you or did you contact them? Do you know what you’re paying for (this is a big one because legit dommes will be very open about their services and costs because customer satisfaction matters to them)? If you’ve paid, do they then ask for just a little more? What details are they asking for from you?

 

A lot of scammers are easy to spot because they have bad spelling and word choice and they just sound “off” but this can mean that others might sneak through your filter because they’re not as bad in comparison.

 

For online dommes, Tumblr may be a shadow of what it was but there are still some professional dommes on there and Twitter is also a good place to look. Social media makes it easy to check out their history and get a feel for who they are.

 

You can approach them as you would anyone you were looking to obtain a service from. They’re professionals and as long as you’re polite you shouldn’t have any problems. Speak to them about what you’re looking for and be honest about yourself.  

 

 

 

 

For an IRL session, you can use the Internet to look for dungeons and dommes in your area; most larger cities have at least one nowadays and most have several. You’ll be expected to pay a deposit and you’ll either complete a questionnaire beforehand, speak to someone on the phone or spend the first few minutes of your session talking about what you want and what your limits are.

 

Be honest about yourself, pro dommes who do real life sessions have seen and heard almost everything, you’re not going to shock them or outrage them with your desires. This also applies throughout your session as well, if something isn’t working for you don’t be afraid to say so.  

 

There will be ground rules for the session for you to follow and believe me when I say, do not break them. You will be told plenty of times before you get started that doing so will end the session and that’s exactly what will happen.

 

As always, make sure you know what you’re paying for up front and be as open and honest as you can be. That way, you can make your experience as amazing as possible.

Date a domme/find a kinky partner

Sometimes when a sissy asks this question it’s a combination of the first two parts we’ve just spoken about. How do I get a free 1 on 1, 24 hours bespoke training program? Why, I’ll date a domme!

 

 

This is obviously a great idea because everyone knows that the one thing you want to do when you’re finished with work for the day is go home and start working again, especially if you’re a dominant and you get to go home and fulfil your partner's desires.

 

It’s another instance where it becomes a question of realism. Being in a female led relationship is very definitely a possibility but having it exactly fit whatever scenarios you have in your head is very unlikely and if you manage to achieve it, you may find it’s not what you want anyway.

 

As the almost certainly apocryphal tale of the guy who wanted to be an adult baby and begged and pleaded until his wife gave in shows. He ended up swaddled up tightly and locked in a cot for 12 hours a day with no physical or mental stimulation as his wife went about her life in peace. He got what he wanted but found that the having of it was worse than wanting it.

 

Even something as simple as submission as a lifestyle can be a challenge to adapt to, it’s a very big step from your partner taking the lead in the bed every now and then! So make sure you know what you want and you walk into it with your eyes as open as possible.

 

Ok, so you’ve given it some thought and you want to find a kinky partner. Luckily, the Internet can help us with this. The best place to start is a social media site called FetLife. FetLife is specifically for fetishes and kink. You can use it as you would almost any social media site to post and chat with others online but the real prize is in the meetups, called munches.

 

These are a great way to get to know kinky individuals in your area and as you broaden your social circle, you will find more and more of them which increases your chances of making a connection and finding a partner. It’s like “vanilla” dating or socialising, just go and have fun, meet a lot of people and see what happens.

 

You shouldn’t just look for specific femdom munches, go to any that sound interesting. Maybe you’ll meet someone at a presentation of japanese rope bondage or you’ll bump into someone at a general meetup and they know someone who knows someone who is just perfect for you.

 

Your wants are a little more specific than the more regular dating so you need to put in a little more legwork to get success and this way, you’re also building up a network of kinky friends which is a prize in itself.

 

Your chances of success are higher depending on the size of the place you live in but chances are that there’ll be some individuals in your area even if you live in a small town so don’t use your location as a reason to not try.

Gal Pals

Lastly for today, let’s take a look at what you can do if you just want some sissy gal pals to hang out and maybe have some fun with 😉.

 

You might have a lot of female friends, and they are wonderful things to have (honestly sweetie, even going clothes shopping with a girl will teach you so much), but sometimes you want someone who knows what you’ve gone through because they’ve gone through it too.

 

Usually the sisterhood between sissies isn’t very pronounced but if you can make a connection with another sissy then you have a partner in crime who you can support and will in turn support you along your journey.

 

Even better, when you have someone else there, it can be a lot easier to push yourself and take those steps you want to take but are too nervous to do and the fringe benefits are endless. Practice makeup on someone else and share tips and tricks, share clothes (if you’re lucky enough to be of similar sizes), share guys, go shopping and on and on.

 

So where do you find someone? Well, you already know where to look, you just use it for other purposes. I’m talking about our old friend Grindr.

 

As we’ve covered, Grindr is a way to meet guys which makes it perfect for sissies looking for 🍆🍆🍆 but there’s more to it. As you’ll know if you’ve set up an account you can set a status showing what you’re looking for. You’ve probably set it for “right now” but you can also just set it for chatting or social meets and if you check other sissies, you’ll see that some of them have done likewise.

 

These are sissies looking for friends, so you can get in touch and chat with them and see if you can make a connection. Maybe you end up gaming together or just hanging out online one or two a week to begin with and then once you get comfortable with each other go a little further.

 

Hopefully it goes without saying that if a sissy is looking to hook up, leave them to their work but otherwise you can reach out and start talking.

 

You will probably need to be patient and check the app quite often over the space of a couple of weeks but if it’s what you want don’t let it get you down, stick with it and you’ll start to get a feel for the best times to check.

 

Homework

Your homework today is girl/girl. There are a lot of incredibly hot lesbian scenes out there and now you get to explore them. Get your vibe ready and watch up to 30 minutes, no releases, just get yourself worked up and then let yourself cool down before repeating.

 

Do this every day until the next letter.

 

Don’t miss me too much honey.

x

 

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