Academy 4 - Elegance 4 - Feminine Beauty

A beauty mindset

‘For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.’

• Audrey Hepburn

Hi girls,

Frida here <3

We’ve had a couple of letters focusing on theory so I thought it was time for one with a more practical bent.

To start towards having a mindset for beauty you need to bring more observation and awareness to others. You also need to appreciate how much effort is behind beauty, both in thought and application.

Your daily skincare routine wasn’t just about starting a good girly habit and your physical feminization, it’s also very useful in showing you how much effort goes into a girl’s appearance. Look at the picture on the left; her skins appears flawless, how much work do you think she’s put into achieving that effect?

We are going to get you really good at mixing, matching, selecting and shopping for accessories of all kinds. You will become a fashionista in no time, but first we need to get the basics down and build a proper foundation. This we do by working on your observational ability.

Everytime you look at someone, understand that they might have spent a lot of resources, time or heart in selecting their accessories, buying an item of clothing, fixing their hair or applying their makeup. Even if a choice does not reflect someone’s effort it can still be meaningful. We want to notice!

If you see someone with a beautiful jade stone bracelet and compliment them on it, noting that it matches their outfit or the color of their eyes, it will be received as a heartfelt compliment, even if their intention was not to make that match since it shows you made the effort and took the time to notice.

Your observation can then be given as a gift, but it should be apparent from this that it can also be the opposite and that is the moral dilemma of today.

Your compliment should not be praise in the sense that you are consciously or unconsciously trying to make someone conform to your ideals or culture. Sadly, a lot of the time praise is something along the lines of “since you are following the cultural code around here, I will reward you with a compliment to keep you doing so”. What we at the Academy want you to aim for is the more meaningful “I see you (the individual), I care about you and your choices (as an individual)”. This means you can compliment effort, compliment something you personally like, or compliment something that stands out, shows uniqueness or adds some flair while staying authentic.

So this letter is the first part of tuning your observational power towards beauty and elegance, and that is by focusing on fashion and style.

Example

Saying a sweater looks good when, in fact, you dislike it and perhaps find it too large or an awful fit and a terrible color match is not being connected to your femininity. This is the opposite, since it is a safe, easy way out that avoids connecting with someone - you are sacrificing the relationship and your own expression because you are not staying true to yourself and are instead playing a game to try to fit in. This is a sensible thing to do in a hostile environment, but let us not be the ones expanding our efforts towards creating or sustaining such environments.

A more aggressive way is to bluntly say our initial judgement out loud, as if you have the right to decide what others should wear and you know best. I would hope none of our students would act this way, but you might have witnesses this kind of behavior. Those that do them are not bad or wrong, they just have not learnt to express themselves in a more sensual way that would help them connect on a deeper level. One that comes from themselves first and does not need to involve competition with or gaining dominance over others.

The sensual and more feminine way is to first look within, be observant of what you see and make no assumptions at all, but do feel free to guess. So you see that the sweater is too big, badly matched or not of a style you like but what is too big anyway and who decided the current fashion wave? If you pay attention, you might find something else you can be genuinely complimentary about instead. Let us say this can be a tricky situation, the person you are meeting has terrible hair, and there isn’t anything about their charisma or looks that you feel would make a positive truthful impact to mention or ask about. In that case you can still control your own assumptions. Maybe you can assume this person simply has not had people around that could help and guide them through fashion or perhaps there is something in their lives that makes it tough for them to do so. Perhaps you can remind yourself of this favorite quote of mine:

“Everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about, so be kind always.”

This is optional, but I wholeheartedly recommend you put this quote up somewhere in your home where you can see it every day and be reminded of it. The values it represents are something every student of the Academy should try and live by.

You can say something like “I am happy you are with us”, or if this is someone new to the group “welcome to our group” and from that point focus on getting to know the person behind since that is were the real beauty lies.

You should almost always be able to give compliments in a heartfelt and descriptive way that will be meaningful for the one receiving it, and truthful for you. Fashion is a form of self expression and often connects to a deeper sense of self, identity and uniqueness we each bring to the world. Many times you will find that behind those earrings that you noticed, there are many hours of shopping for them and picking them out, or a memorable story just waiting to be shared.

From all of this you can clearly see that it is important to realize that behind someone’s fashion and style there are aspects that will be important and deeply personal.

The reason I wanted to focus on an explanation of the moral side of this before diving into the subject is to avoid shallowness. Shallowness is the easy answer that will distance you from others and cause an “I am better than” ego war against others due to some fear or shame around feeling “I am not good enough”. Since no one wins with that kind of thinking, we aim to go a bit deeper..

Observing beauty

You cannot spot an excellent eyeshadow, unless you look and compare a lot of people’s eye shadows. So in this module we will spend quite some time focusing on increasing your beauty awareness.

We will train you in giving authentic compliments that open doors and invite further discussions. A toolbox that will be essential in dating, getting a promotion, being likable at work, keeping up a long term relationships and give you greater feminine charisma in any group you are in.

All of this will be done while you slowly and smoothly slide into a mindset you will enjoy so much, you might very well start doubting the years of conditioning you have had growing up!

“Today I will look for beauty in the women I meet in real life or see in the media, in images and videos. I will focus on the details, the accessories, the colors, the effort and flavors that they bring to the world”

Every morning when you are doing your bathroom routine I want you to say this mantra to yourself. This is a reminder to yourself to switch into a more feminine observational mindset.

Note: Focus on those that present feminine for now. If you naturally do it with others also that is all good. If you feel this is already natural to you, then aim to go one step deeper and aim for a more advanced level where you also look for the beauty of the mind and soul.

I want you to mark in your training book each day you managed to have this mindset. At first you might have some trouble getting used to it and lapse back into old habits, this is what we are working on and this is where you “lift the weight”. If you could easily get into the mindset there would be little point in training, so be prepared for a lot of lifting, keep getting back on track each day until this is natural for you.

This is also a wonderful place to use fashion magazines, try and read 1 or 2 magazines every month and really pay attention to the models. Go beneath the surface and notice the little things. Professional photoshoots are planned out to the tiniest detail by a lot of highly qualified people, so they will reward study and asking questions.

If you’re not going out, then use YouTube to watch fashion shows or photoshoots.

Make a new page in your Training Book and everyday try and write down one thing that you’ve noticed.

Keep notes as you’re going along about how easy it is to slip into this observational mode. While you are on this exploration please share your journey, fashion tips, questions and heartfelt wisdom with the other sissies on the Academy Reddit.

Take special note when you reach the point that you notice the details of more or less every bracelet, necklace, belt, earring, makeup look or hairstyle in a vivid way without even thinking.

You’ll know you’re getting somewhere when you can say “I met this girl on the Subway, she had a silver necklace in the shape of a tear that held a blue stone”. Or “the lead actor in this series I watched wore a brown leather bracelet, with these words inscribed on it”. You notice the item and you notice the details, and then you can go further and see how it matches with the outfit, her other accessories, hair, makeup and so forth.

This is super important for the next step so keep at it! And remember that report <3

‘We cannot create observers by saying 'observe', but by giving them the power and the means for this observation and these means are procured through education of the senses.’

• Maria Montessori

With love,

Trainer Frida